Coursing the winding roads of this path I have embarked, I often find myself at an impasse. Not for lack of opportunities, as it is usually upon a juncture of new paths that divert across this rolling landscape that I find myself halting. Rather it is because I am struck by mine own reflection.
I often avoid my reflection, bypassing; streams and lakes, mirrors and windows, and even the light emanating from the souls of those I come across. Not wanting to see myself reflected back in all it’s truth and darkness. The hardest test is facing myself.
But it is in these moments of seeming repose that I am forced to look myself directly in the eye and behold all that I have tried to run from. The paths laid out beside me wait in quiet stillness; blocked off unnaturally by the cascading confrontation I am locked in. I cannot look away and I cannot continue until I have dealt with what is before me.
I want to strike out and break this unblinking mirror…but I cannot. I want to tear my eyes away and run far away from this land…but I cannot. I want to destroy everything that I am to dispel the illusion that is before me…but I cannot. I must regard, acknowledge, and attest to everything that I am. I must learn to accept and forgive.
This is not the first time, nor will it be the last. This is part of the journey I have chosen to embark on. Some instances have passed in mere moments, others days, and some have prolonged for months. And while I find myself stuck here today I know that some day tomorrow I will continue forward. As well that even though my feet are motionless in this current melee I am progressing still.
For on the other side I find more humility, greater love, and a deeper connection to the growing world I encounter throughout my travels.
For the present my eyes are locked inwards to my soul and I stare down to the full depths within.