Everyone expects the shadow of something underneath,
with the current struggle being an obvious deflect through gritted teeth
but the search below is simply an illusion as I am losing the ability to breathe,
beginning to crumble as I bumble on stage, wondering if there is any worth beneath.
This song of my heart is wrong but I only want to belong
To something bigger than myself, but I get triggered,
Body going into rigor as I figure there is no way I can reconfigure
This heart to this mind, so I say I’m fine, while the insides break apart
Realizing that this pain I chain to my soul is lifelong.
Expectations rise as I start to despise the lies that I can now realize.
I am agonized by the truth of being misadvised in my youth.
My uncouth demeanor starts to get meaner as the dreamer in me dies.
I try to rise above the the loss of love inside to resurrect the deject man who died,
Back in that room that became a tomb stealing two sons instead of just one.
I’ve rejected and deflected against any greatness that one could witness,
Trying to destroy this life in a great ploy to get even with the heathen that took my friend.
But that has only let the pain extend and so it’s time to ascend out of this hole,
And end the self-torture I attend, forgiving myself so I can start living and be whole.