I feel like writing but I don’t know what to say. I talked about hustle in my last post and I feel like I don’t know the first thing about hustling. Sometimes I feel like I have all this great wisdom to share and experiences to tell but it’s all conjectured madness from a naive and ideological amateur, and that I know nothing. I hate searching for validation from other people yet I yearn for it because I cannot find the validation in it of myself. I hate feeling like a “dysfunctional, insecure” actor and yet at the same time that can just be the bloody truth.
Yet all I know is that this drive and passion remains in my soul to pursue this craft of acting. Although I feel as though others are passing me up like I’m going in reverse, I’ve still never wanted this or anything more in my life. I appreciate these times and melancholy feelings for the very least in that they dispel any illusions of grandeur. Even so I must be careful not to internalize my acting, passions, desires, and feelings.
For the prize isn’t anything out in the world but hidden in my self. As Kevin Spacey said, “to want is not enough, that’s just desire”, I know what I want and have my own specific goals. Regardless of the opportunities that I come upon and succeed or fail in I have my goals and I recognize the talent within myself. For that, and that alone, I will dedicate everything to seeing that talent be expressed fully, openly, and without bounds.