To be alone in this craft is artistic suicide.
Two nights ago I was sitting in a small black box theater awaiting an experimental production of Shakespeare’s The Comedy of Errors. This small Phoenix theater was fully packed with an audience in May and had no air conditioning. It was stifling and stuffy in there to say the least. What was refreshing was the production that unfolded before me. I watched actors who boldly played and took risks, sometimes failed, but were always engaged and energized in their performance. It was a true delight to behold. I was inspired.
I feel like I talk about humility a lot and well maybe that’s because I am constantly humbled by my fellow actors. I also feel as though I often talk on my personal struggle in acting in regards to getting over myself. While I tire of those discussions they really are my truth for that moment. The main fault in those struggles is that I have turned inward in my craft. I have turned the focus away from the work and joy of the outward expression of our craft and focused solely inward, making it all about me. My self-indulgence only begets frustrations and unhealthy failures as I continue to slide deeper and deeper down this dark internal downward spiral.
While that path of self destruction is hard to break I can always count on my love of this craft to win out. Even more so it is through the experience of watching my fellow colleagues and other actors bravely play that I am freed from this unholy charm. I am humbled and reminded again why I feel so called to this craft. There is something within me that cannot stay hidden.
I had a great night last night full of wondrous play and exploration and I need to own that triumph. I need to remember this feeling and lock it in for where I always want to act out from. More so I have realized again that this wonderful gift that we hold inside ourselves as artists is not meant for us alone. It is meant to be shared in all its splendor and glory. I am meant to showcase all my shades of grey and the magnificent beauty they contain.
It might be hard to view myself in such a light, to see such worth inside of myself, but it is there. It’s long overdue that I own that and then share it. I will always be grateful and indebted to my fellow actors for their bravery and inspiration that causes me to then want to share in return. Each one of us has been called to this craft for a reason and we each have something great within us that is so much bigger than ourselves. May we always have the bravery and inspiration to get up and play!