Where do I even start for this? I feel like I have to type this out before I get too emotional and sentimental. I also feel like I could write a whole book on the past 3 days, so this may be a little long. Let’s start from the beginning, where everything starts anyways.
I first auditioned for this film more as of a practice for auditioning. I thought it might be nice to get the part but didn’t expect it, as I didn’t think I was a good fit for the role, but it sounded interesting. My audition process was unique and fun, as they always are, and I walked out of there that Tuesday night pretty confident I didn’t get the part. Fast forward to Thursday of that same week and I was pleasantly surprised to get the part. I was invited to a Saturday lunch potluck for the cast and crew to meet each other. That Saturday was a foreshadow of things to come. It started late, which is alright, but then it continued to be late, with no communication happening. I eventually had to leave, 2 hours later, which is when the meeting began. That was good flow and explanation for just the general consensus of this past weekend. No communication and hurry up and wait.
Three days before filming was to commence the Assistant Director quit. Taking with her many key locations, and key crew members. I was pretty sure at this point that the film wasn’t going to happen. Which, I was initially fine with because I had begun feeling generally DGAF (don’t give a fuck) about myself as an actor and didn’t really want to act. Everyone in the film was scrambling around to fix these issues and ultimately my costar, or film wife, saved the day by offering up her house for the shoot. We were back on for shooting.
“Aw shucks” I thought. I was so close to wallowing away in self misery and now I have to go and be an actor. Some day I will grow up, or maybe not. Friday’s shoot was back on and it was back to the regular schedule of a full 3-day long weekend of filming. I was still DGAF over it but hey I made a commitment so lets see this through and run through the motions. Although the professional in me did a little more than just run through the motions. I made my character arc breakdown, scene breakdown, and made sure to have all my lines down for the first 3 scenes we were going to shoot on Sunday.
No battle plan survives contact with the enemy.
–Helmuth von Moltke
The enemy here was the business of entertainment and shooting films. The production started off as a hot mess. Shots all had to be re-worked and re-planned and scenes were cut and re-written. Our first night we were scheduled to shoot 3 scenes. We made it out of there shooting one scene. Could we have shot more? I’m pretty confident we could have but I’m just an actor. People were doing the best they could with what little control they had.
My greatest saving grace was in my costar. I haven’t had the luxury of working with a wide variety of actors, just my colleagues in our mock conservatory training, so I don’t expect too much from other actors because I don’t have a lot of experience. I was pleasantly surprised by my costar though. She is amazing. Anytime I can sit down with a fellow actor and “do the work” I count it as a blessing. I continue to hope that in every production I do I will have that, for I had that as well with my colleagues in the play I did, but I don’t want to get my hopes up.
Amidst all the craziness going on around us I was just very thankful that I could talk with another actor in the same vein. There were so many problems with the script and our character’s relationship but we were able to figure them out and fix them. I am convinced that this movie is being made in spite of this script and direction. That seems like a harsh critique but I don’t think it’s far off. There is an amazing crew here and an all-star cast that are working in adverse conditions to make this thing work. We’re down to a skeleton crew and I’m not sure who we will have next weekend if anyone but I hope we can continue to just piece this thing together. It’s a hot mess.
That aside there are so many characters in all this. I begun by not wanting to have done this production and sitting here on an off day I really just wish I was shooting again with these people. I miss my kids that called me A-Daddy for actor daddy. Working with child actors has been an incredible experience. They are so incredibly gifted, curious, and adorable. They have taught me so much. I miss my costar, my wife, who I can improvise a scene with and have so much fun and make some incredibly strong and real moments with. I miss the characters of people that make up certain crew members and other actors. Their individual charm and quirkiness that just lightens the mood and makes for glorious moments of real life.
It has been 3 grueling days of things constantly going wrong, long days with limited sleep, and lots of alcohol, courtesy of my loving wife, but it has been 3 truly fantastic days that I will not forget. You really get close to people in such a short but intense amount of time. I do not get to see my kids next weekend and that was a hard goodbye. I mean I’m sitting here laughing because this film is such a mess. I truly am frightened by what I think will come out of it at the end but in all honesty I love it. I’m looking forward to this coming weekend and continuing to shoot. Even in all the horror I’m addicted.
I think that is the most important thing to walk away from this with. There will always be production problems. There will be many different types of crew and actors but this process is something magical. I have no idea what my future holds but I am very thankful that for now I get to work on this film. Despite any and all of it’s flaws it is something gorgeous. People might see this and judge it and critique it for its merit as a snapshot but I will know the whole. And while the whole can only be described as a “hot mess” it is a beautiful and glamorous “hot mess”.